It’s time for “The Talk.” No, not the SEX talk but the talk with my “adult children” where we explain to them that it is time to contribute to the nest or fly away. I am going to be asking a lot from them and it is not all about money, although a monetary amount will be determined per monthly, which includes access to the internet, hot food, a shower a day and in this house unlimited people in your way.. It is time. It is time for them to understand that they are no longer exempt from helping with chores and expenses. I have heard the “I have to work” argument one too many times.
I have woke up to a sink full of dirty dishes from their midnight munching one too many times.
I have listened to parenting advice from them, example: “YOU need to make sure so-and-so cleans their room MOM!It’s trashed”; as they sit in a living room surrounded by mess not lifting a finger; I have been disrespected one too many times.
Yep. I am working my way to this, because I already have talked to them at various points and they have expressed to me that THEY ARE NOT going to pay me anything or essentially do anything either.
Well I am not going to let these boundaries get so misconstrued that I have 8 kids in the house someday, plus grandkids and I am the only one cleaning, and nobody is contributing. Hell no. I am done setting myself up to fail!
The reason it has come to this so far is that it snuck up on me, the whole “parenting after 18” thing.
.Yes, I was super young (17) when I had my oldest so it has been a learning process and my parenting skills were much different then, then they are now. Now I understand that kids need to do chores, they need to contribute to the household, and if they aren’t it is MY fault because I am not making them. As a side note: just because I know this it does not prevent arguments over and over about chores…
I understand that it is teaching responsibility to my younger six kids by forcing them to do their daily chores whether they hate me or not, and that just because you have a job at 15, 16, 21 or 45 does not mean that you do not have to contribute to the household chores.
Am I setting up my poor future daughter-in-law to have to deal with an entitled brat for a husband because he feels like he is holier-than-though when it comes to helping around the house?
Am I allowing my daughter to believe that a magic fairy will follow her around the house, and clean up her messes, and put her clean clothes on her bed for the rest of her days?
Maybe I was…but not anymore. I am not feeling the spoiled brat attitude and feel ashamed that I am the only person to blame for it. I was young, I didn’t know!
I still do not know how to “parent an adult child” but I know that I have been doing it wrong, and so through therapy sessions, long talks with my husband and lots of self-reflection, I have finally got the guts up to have a real conversation with them and my husband about what expectations need to be met.
And honestly they are free to go if they don’t agree…… fly birdie;fly.